The least loving, wins.

Dear Papa P,

There's this thing that a lot of us are caught up in. No, it's not love. It's "scoring love."

Everyone wants to figure out who loves who more. The love you get is a positive and the love you give is a minus. In this computation, the more you love, the more you lose.

It's a sad truth. And it is practical.

Those who give more, loses more. And those who give less or nothing and takes everything they are offered, gains.

I'd want to just give, sure. Give to my hearts content and not ask or expect anything in return. But you know it doesn't work that noble way.

People will tell you to just give what you want to give, and be happy in giving it and not in what you get in return.

Bullshit.

If you continue in a relationship where your happiness lies only in giving and you never get the happiness in getting because you don't get anything in return, then you will lose everything. Because happiness is a addictive; we do the things that make us happy. So if giving is the only thing that makes you happy, you'll do it over and over until you lose everything. And we're not talking only material things here.

Noone wants to be taken advantage of, somehow robbed, undervalued, or, simply, nobody wants to be loved less.

Maybe, most of us, will just opt to be blinded, because we do not want to lose the selfish companion we have by our side. Or maybe because we get tired of the calculations and just give in to the flow.

This compulsion is rendering us all weak, and we lose just by calculating. And by calculating, we are judged to be selfish.

And yet that person who is not seen as selfish because she does not calculate and she does not care about who gives more or who gives less, wins and is destined to be happy. And sometimes, they are the people who do not give.

Damn life, Papa P.

Gotta love the Snow White in Bella Swan

Dear Papa P,

I was just watching Thor, Bella Swan, and, Aeon Flux in Snow White and the Huntsman.

I know, I know.. This is a very late review given that the film is already showing on cable. But what can I do? This is the forst time I saw it in full and I cannot quit hearing the words: I'd rather die than live another day of this death! And who will ride with me? Who will be my brother???

Sent chills up my spine the first time I heard it. It was wondrous. I always believed there was more to Kristen Stewart than Bella Swan.

I didn't care about Thor, er, the huntsman too much until he the words: "What are you looking at? Do something! Save her!!!"

I like a film that have lines that make a mark.

Now, I'm sure Aeon Flux, er, the queen witch, er, the witch queen (?) - whichever it is - had lines worth paying attention to but I was so caught up with staring at her face that I wasn't able to pay much attention. Definitely, the fairest of them all. Hmm.. stupid, stupid viewer.

I have read a review that notes that the movie was boring. But I wasn't bored. There's a lot of things happening, in fact! I just couldn't quite catch some of the words because of the accent, I might need subtitles to understand the whole script but the movie does amount to a lot.

An amazing collection of artists with beautiful faces who can deliver poetic lines with dignified emotion-filled voices in british accents alongside realistic yet dreamy settings and an enchanting musical score, that's one grand movie for me.

Wish you liked it too, Papa P! ♡

Let's talk about your Ex and the movie: I'll Be There

Dear Papa P,

I saw KC on CinemaOne with her dad and Jericho Rosales. OK lang naman na pag-usapan natin siya dahil siya naman 'yong bitter about the two of you right?

I was just thinking, the role of dissing Jericho Rosales should go to faces and bodies like Kristine Hermosa's and, maybe, Ann Curtis'. Now, I won't be saying anything about KC Concepcion's body, if not for their production's insistence on making her wear body-hugging or arm-baring clothes.

I mean, her face is OK. Honestly, I think it would have been better for her to have taken a project that is more intellectually arousing but she took this tweetumms movie. And when I watch a tweetumms movie, I most probably will looking for a cuter actress who could get away with all the cheesy.

The movie, which probably is just an excuse to get father and daughter Concepcion in one film, is, yes, an excuse for a movie. Mad daughter with daddy issues who lives in New York comes to a province in the Philippines to claim a sum of money promised by humble, simple all-changed father who left her during her childhood. She is mad, mad, mad and wants the money but money is not ready so she has to stay a bit at the daddy's big comfy farm. Meanwhile, she meet handsome Jericho Rosales and they fall in love. And then, Daddy gets drunk and she gets tired so they start this discussion about the past. And then, morning after, everything is forgiven. Then, Daddy doesn't want to give the money anymore because he wants her to stay. They fight. She leaves anyway. Daddy wires the money. She returns. Happily ever after, bow. Jews!!

That plot is blah. So much drama. The only refreshing part of this movie is the setting, lots of greens, and Jericho Rosales. It is one of those movies that you keep watching 'til the end in hopes that the plot will get better. But it ends in the very predictable happy ending it has, leaving you disappointed about the movie and with justified predictions.

I'd say, maybe she is a good actress. And with the quality of an actress her handlers claim she is, they should not have signed her up for something so less of quality.

Pasta Boo at Bo's Coffee - 5f SM Megamall

Dear Papa P,

The carbonara at Bo's Coffee is one of the reasons why I hate dining at places that charge too much for something you can do at home for less than half its price. You pay too much for something and you expect a delicacy.

The pasta, about half of my small palm, was dry. The sauce which is about two spoons seem like it needs to be thawed. Then, as an unfortunate surprise, you see that there is about 3 spoons of lukewarm water underneath the pasta making it a watery, cold-sauced dry pasta pile of garbage. This is joined by one slice of cold wheat bread cut in half. Let's repeat: Cold wheat bread.

This for P185. Absolute waste of money.

This after the horrific customer service at the counter where the staff talked to me in a demeaning loud tone because she can't hear me. I have sore throat, Maria Diana. I can hear you, you can't hear me. I'm the one who should be raising my voice.

I found quite a joy in their brownies which sells for P50 and it's unfortunate that I ate the brownie first. Eating the brownie before eating the carbonara was like getting your nails done before going home to a garbage can.

I really hate the place. Only three people working on a crowded saturday. It would've been understandable if Maria Diana was grouchy because they are tired from having everything done, but tables are dirty and orders are not being handed out in a timely manner. So, no, the job is not being done right and so I will not even try to understand.

The best thing you can do to be pleased with Bo's Coffee is order brownies to-go. That way, you don't have to deal with rude staff, untidy tables, slow service and, yes, watery cold carbonara with cold wheat bread.

Pray for the Bo's Coffee staff, Papa P. Because I won't.

Sick on a Weekend

Dear Papa P,

Still on my colds chronicles. Sorry if I'm bombarding you with random thoughts while I am sick. Thing is, I do not have work and, therefore, have nothing good to do except bombard you with sick thoughts. Or, I mean, thoughts while I am sick.

Today, I really do not have much thoughts.

I went to the doctor for a 2pm follow-up check-up and found myself at the clinic a quarter before two and 15th in queue for a doctor who will be coming in an hour late.

Headed to booksale to get a book to kill time with. The search looks like it will be longer than the wait in queue. Great.

- - - -

Got an award winning book for P25.00 at Booksale (yey!), ate late lunch at Bo's Coffee (read the unfortunate review) and got to speak with the doctor a few minutes past 6pm. (Damn!)

The doc had my sinus X-rayed last Thursday and I was wishing they won't find a tumor made of pure booger on my tiny nose.

They didn't. But they found some kind of shit lodged in my sinus so I'm supposed to down at least six tabs every 12 hours for at least a week and antiobiotics for the next three weeks. The tabs burned almost three thousand pesos. I have never spent so much on medicine in my entire life. If medicine for common colds is so damned expensive, I wonder how many people die of it or of complications from it.

- - -

I slept the whole Sunday (January 19) and had to cancel dinner with my brods (sisters) from college. They didn'y mind cancelling knowing that I wasn't feeling well.

I'm actually quite touched with the number of people sending messages to ask how I am. Although I feel really horrible, it is, after all, just common colds.

I'm feeling better now except for the sore throat. I guess the drug attack and the snooze-fest did me good.

In the next 30 years...

Dear Papa P,

At the risk of sounding melodramatic over colds, cough and a little fever, I write to you again about sickness.

Or, not entirely about sickness… Basing on sickness, but more about the future. Or health. Or wellbeing. Or death. Or whatever you think the whole point of my writing is.

Anyway…

I was riding a jeep home from a friend’s house feeling my nose get colder, heavier and feel a tinge of pain and thought about death. Yes. In that instance, I thought about death.

Don’t worry. It’s something quite usual with me. Not a lot of people know it, or, maybe, no one knows it but me, but I think of death a lot of times.

Some days, I wake up and think if I might die that day. I dream of me being in a coffin at my wake. Sometimes, when I jog, I’d fixate at a spot and think if that could possibly be the spot I’d lay on if I, all of a sudden, get a cardiac arrest while trying to be healthier.

Don’t worry. I don’t get scared about the thought. It’s just a curious thought. It’s the Nostradamus in me trying to predict the future. Or my lack of it, that is.

Going back…  I thought about death. And I wanted to think of how long I’ll be here.

Considering the odds, my dad died of colon cancer at age 68 and that I am an obese smoker with small feet and bad eyesight, we can factor in, colon cancer, lung cancer, bone problems and eye issues. 

I think the longest I’ll be here would be 60’s. Earliest I’d go will be 40’s, probably. I most probably will be here this whole decade.

I’m not sure. (But you must’ve guessed that.)

Just the same, I think it will be best to plan ahead.

Now, given that I may last only about 30 more years, or less, here, I have no intention to spend the rest of my entire life broke and tied to a 25-year mortgage. So, no, unless I, for some reason, get enough money to buy everything I want, I will not buy a house. I will rent a comfortable place that does not burn my whole paycheck and stay in it as long as I want – no commitments.

No, I will not quit my job and tell the whole damn world that money is not important. Because money IS important. And unless, I find a way to just hang around at a café all day and be assured that my bills, my rent, my travel expenses, my groceries and my coffee will get paid, I will not quit my job.

I might get crazy and leave my current job for something I want to experience that pays less. But I won’t do that without a stuffed savings account. If all else fails, I do not want to become a homeless ass who lives as a liability to society until the day I fortunately die or commit suicide.

So, I probably won’t leave my job. At least, not until I find a better one.

I would want to lose weight. Drop all the extra pounds. Now, I’m not into trying to look like Barbie. But with my big eyes and usually fuzzy hair, a big belly will make me look like a fuckin’ troll. And no, I don’t like that idea. So, I want to lose weight and fit into any shirt and, consequently, feel pretty – because my idea of self-worth is governed partly by society’s opinion of whether I am good-looking or not.

Also, just to make myself, and maybe others, think that I can do anything I want to. I can climb mountains, I can teach myself how to bike at 25, I can learn to swim at 17, and, yes, I can lose weight at 28.

Do I want to earn a billion dollars before I die? I don’t. Why the fuck will I need that? I’m gonna have fun with my monthly salary, my small side-income and my over-limit credit card.

At this rate, I am where I want to be. And bored.

Maybe I should sleep more so when I get bored of sleeping I can wake up and think walking around and doing daily tasks is not that boring.

Hmpft. Have a follow-up check up with the doc today and she’ll be reading x-ray scans of my nose. Got to go.

Pray for my nose, Papa P. 

May sakit ang makina.

Dear Papa P,

Andito ako sa clinic kasi may ubo ako, at sipon na twing gabi lang dumadating. O kaya pag nakakainom ako ng mainit. The rest of the time, yung sipon ko ay isang malaking pabigat at harang lang sa ilong.

Tuwing gabi din mahiwaga akong nilalagnat na para akong namamanigno dahil nawawala yung lagnat pagdating ng umaga. (Sayang!)

Hindi ako sakitin. Sabi ng ex ko, malamang daw mamatay ako sa malalang sakit dahil hindi gumagana yung antibodies ko. Kaya ex ko na siya ngayon.

Sabi ng boss ko, kung pwede daw wag na ako magpa-schedule ng absence kasi maraming trabaho. Pero sabi ko, ayoko magtiis. Kahit na, siguro kaya ko. Malamang kaya ko. Ayoko magtiis.

Hindi naman kasi kasama sa binayaran sa akin ng kompanya yung pagtitiis ng sakit. In fact, benepisyong bigay ng kompanya sa akin ang sick leave. Na hindi pwedeng maging cash. Kaya gusto ko magpahinga. Dahil wala namang mabuting dulot sa akin ang pagtitiis.

Trabaho namin ang magsalita. Buong bwakananginang walong oras kaming nagsasalita kaya ngayong masakit ang lalamunan ko, ayokong magtrabaho. (Nahulaan mo na ba trabaho ko, Papa P?)

Ayos naman si boss. Mabait nga siya at matalino. Pero pagod na kasi ako. Hindi naman naiibsan ng kabaitan ni boss ang sakit ng lalamunan ko. Kaya ayoko paawat.

Pero nagi-guilty ako na hindi ako papasok. Kaso... naiisip ko, bakit ako magi-guilty? E nagkataon lang na ngayon pa ako nagkaubo.

Siguro nagi-guilty ako kasi masaya ako na ngayon ako nagkaubo at sinasamantala ko ang pagkakataon para hindi magtrabaho - kahit kaya ko naman tiisin.

Bakit kasi ganito no? Meron tayong mentality na kelangan natin tiisin yung sakit at magtrabaho kahit na masama ang pakiramdam natin. Superhero tendencies.

O siguro nagi-guilty ako kasi may sasalo nung trabahong maiiwan ko? Pero syempre, dinedebate ng utak ko yung puso ko. Kung may nagkasakit na iba, wala silang pake kung saluhin mo yung trabaho nila. This IS NOT about teamwork. Ang "take one for the team" ay ginagamit sa team who will take one for you. Kung magpapaka-superhero ka, gano ka kasiguradong may sasagip sa yo?

Wala na lang utangan ng loob. Magkakaron ka lang ng unjust expectations. Pero wag ka lang pabigat at magpa-schedule ka.

Hmm.. tatapon ko na nga yung guilt!

Ito ang advantage ng pagtatrabaho sa korporasyon kung san tinuturing kang makina, walang guilt! Yung trabaho mo, pwedeng gawin ng iba. Bawat minuto mo, binibilang. Wala silang pake kahit pagod ka na, kasi bayad ka naman.

Sa ganitong trabaho, dapat kabisado mo yung karapatan at benepisyo mo para gamitin mo kapag pagod ka na.

Hindi mo kelangan gamitin ang konsensya.

Kasi... wala naman konsensya ang makina, Papa P.

Pangangapitbahay kila Aling Banang

Dear Papa P,

Bago lang ako sa Mandaluyong. I moved in October 2013. So, wala pa ako masyadong alam puntahan other than yung commercial spots like fast food and mall restaurants.

E pero hindi ako masyado fan ng commercial echos. Kasi, trip na trip ko ang mga katagang "give chance to others." As in, "give chance" para distribution of wealth at "give chance" sa sharing of talent.

Today, my friend and I went to Aling Banang's for the first time. Nakwento kasi ng boss niya, na dating boss ko din, na success daw ang food trip don. E syempre boss yon.. er, I mean, syempre pagkain yon, kaya we had to check it out.

Nasa Maysilo Circle lang ang Aling Banang's. From EDSA, go down Boni MRT station and take a jeep bound for Gabby's. Baba ka sa Maysilo Circle bago kumanan paakyat sa may Baliwag. Tapos, lakad ka papuntang Tapa King. Malalagpasan mo pa yung Tapa King para makarating sa Aling Banang's pero baka ma-miss mo yung sign kasi nasa baba ng sign ng Nuat Thai Massage yung sign ng Aling Banang's at mukhang warehouse yung building pag sa malayo.

Check mo na lang yung pic ng kaibigan kong galit sa camera. O kaya, kung hindi mo pa talaga na-gets, mag-google maps ka na lang. Ingat lang at wag mag-cellphone sa gitna ng Maysilo Circle ngayon, pagnasagasaan ka, madaling itago ang bangkay mo sa hinuhukay na drainage system.

Anyway, pumasok kami sa Aling Banang's na brown and mottiff at may mga poster ng pagkain na nagsisisigaw ang kulay.

"I have a good feeling about this," sabi ng tiyan ko.

Pakiramdam ko nasa lumang movie ako ni Bembol Roco, Maynila sa Kuko ng Liwanag style. Pero hindi madumi, medyo madilim lang kasi nagswimming kami sa araw sa labas.

Merong maliit na bintana kung san ka oorder ng pagkain tapos yung mga psychic na waiter lalabas galing kitchen para ibigay yung inorder mo in five minutes or less.

Wag ka mag-alala, mainit yung pagkain. Mainit talaga at nakailang paso sa labi yung kasama ko kasi pinipilit niyang kainin agad.

Wag mong itanong kung pano nila nagawa yon, hindi ako dito nagtatrabaho. Basta ang alam ko, nasira ang diet ko sa Sizzling Liempo nila na P105 lang na may gravy na bumubulong ng: "Extra rice! Extra rice!"

Tapos meron pa silang pakulo na Leche Flan Ice Cream na may isang cube ng leche flan, sa ibabaw ng tatlong scoop ng ube ice cream, na nasa ibabaw ng apat na cubes ng leche flan pa! Na-imagine mo ba? Hulaan mo kung magkano.

I'm sure, mali ka. Kaya sasabihin ko na ang tamang sagot. Fifty pesos.

Meron nga lang silang kalokohan sa halo-halo. Yung halo-halo nila, walang yelo. Meron ice, ice cream. As in, may beans at banana slices na pinaibabawan ng ice cream at nilagyan ng leche flan. Hindi halo-halo ang tawag don. Hindi ko alam kung anong tawag don pero mukhang may napilas na page sa recipe book nila kaya hindi nila nailagay yung yelo.

Just the same, wala naman talaga ako masyadong pakelam kasi hindi naman ako yung umorder ng halo-halo. At inubos ng kasama ko yung ice cream na hinaluan ng beans at saging kaya wala naman talaga masyadong problema.

O, alam kong gusto mong pumunta pero kinatatakot mo ang panganib na dulot nito sa abs mo. Pero, isipin mo na lang, hindi kayang sirain ng isang meal ang 6-pack mo. Pero hindi ko na kasalanan kung nagpabalik-balik ka..

Basta kami, babalik kami. Wala naman kaming abs na pinoprotektahan.

Eat desert, Papa P!

My Burger Project: pre-zoo burger

Dear Papa P,

Let me tell you about our The Burger Project experience. :)

I ordered beef, cheese sauce, bacon, pickles and lettuce. Got it for P165.

This is about the average cost of not-so fastfood meals and it was definitely worth it.

The Burger Project is located in Maginhawa St., near UP Diliman. Just take a red tryke from philcoa and tell your manong to take you to The Burger Project. Fare is P20.

The place gives justice to their location. Being situated quite close to a premier state university, The Burger Project boasts of the unique concept of having you make your own burger.

You have to think. And depending on how hungry you are, you might need to make it quick!

We went on a lunchtime, one peaceful Sunday. Almost all tables were taken but, luckily, there was no queue. Possibly a slow day considering no students from the university or employees from nearby offices were there to compete.

We took the forms from the counter and I stared at the blanks. Who thought making a burger would require this much thinking???

Finally, I came up with the most fool-proof combination I could think of and submitted the form to the counter.

They made our burgers within a few minutes of getting the forms and the staff were quick to deliver the food and condiments as we took the elevated stools near the high table that faced the exterior.

After the customary burger selfies, we devoured our burgers.

I added mayonnaise and mustard to give my burger a little kick and it was real good. Next time though, I'll venture into adding a little spice.

The beef was so flavorful and big that I was already full halfway through the burger. But I was a very good soldier and finished the whole thing. :)

You should try the place out, Papa P. I think you'll like it. I mean... who won't??

Avilon Zoo and the joy of watching animals.

Dear Papa P, 

When was the last time you went to the zoo?

I think mine was about 5 years ago in 2008. I went to the zoo in Tagaytay and Zoobic Safari in Subic that year because of a job. 

I recently watched Matt Damon in We Bought A Zoo and remembered how peaceful it is in a zoo. I mean, there were tons of people in the movie but I haven't really gone to a zoo here in the Philippines that was that packed. Besides, being with animals that are caged, especially the wild ones, that we are there to observe, there is an unspoken treaty of silence.

So I grabbed a friend and of we go.

We took a bus to philcoa to catch an FX from there like most bloggers wrote. It was around noontime and bystanders said there were no more Fx's. So after we had lunch, we took a bus to Batasan, a jeep bound for Maly and got dropped in front of PureGold San Isidro, took an FX bound for Montalban Plaza and took a tryke from Montalban Plaza to the Avilon Zoo. It was quite a commute but we were quite passive about having to transfer multiple times, I think mostly because we were so satisfied with lunch. (Read: My Burger Project: The Pre-zoo Burger)

There IS a less complicated way to get to Avilon Zoo. The best route from EDSA is by going to Cubao and taking an FX bound for Montalban (P50.) Go down Eastwood Greenview Subdivision and take a tricycle to the Avilon Zoo (P60.) The tryke will drop you off right by the entrance of the zoo. Regular Entrance Fee is P400.

Cinema one :)

Dear Papa P,

Napapanahon pala ang pagsisimula ng blog na to kasi buong buwan ka sa Cinema1.

Magaling ka pala pumili ng role no? Typecasted kang leading man ng mga pinoy chick flicks pero meron naman versatility sa roles. Yung kahit sunod-sunod yung movies tapos naglilipat ako ng channel, pag balik ko sa channel 37, malalaman ko sa demeanor mo kung ibang movie na.

Anyway, pinapanood ko pa yung movie niyo ni angelica panganiban.

Good night, Papa P.

Good Morning, Papa P :)

Good Morning, Papa P!

Actually, hapon na.

Pero parang mas masaya kasi yung "Good Morning" kesa "Good Afternoon." Pag "Good Afternoon" kasi parang formality. Yung tipong: buong araw na tayong nakaupo dito at hapon na, kaya, "Good Afternoon."

Parang mas festive pag "Good Morning." It's like you're being welcomed to the day.

Pag binati ka ng "Good Morning," usually yun yung first time in the day na nakita ka nung bumabati sa 'yo. So, yung "Good Morning" niya parang instant "This is the first time I saw you today, I'm happy to see you, and I hope you have a great day."

Pag kumakain ka, tapos binati ka ng "Good Morning" parang "Enjoy your breakfast!" yung sinabi sa yo.

Pag natutulog ka, tapos binati ka ng "Good Morning" parang "Gising ka na. I love you."

Pag nakatunganga ka sa isang tabi, tapos binati ka ng "Good Morning" parang "Wake up! Make this day count."

Pag tumatawid ka, tapos binati ka ng "Good Morning" parang "Ingat ka. And enjoy your day."

Pag kumukunot na yung noo mo, tapos binati ka ng "Good Morning" parang "Smile; it's a bright day."

Pag umuulan at gloomy yung weather, tapos binati ka ng "Good Morning" parang "It's STILL a great day."

Pag malungkot ka, tapos binati ka ng "Good Morning" parang "Cheer up; this day brings hope."

Wala akong ibang alam na kasing involved at uninvolved na pagbati na tulad ng Good Morning. Wala akong ibang alam na greeting na kasing versatile na gaya ng "Good Morning."

So, with all the bright, shiny and hopeful whispers of the well-known greeting...

Good Morning, Papa P! :)